The Saga of Saga
by Chasella
Summary: Saga Melander is aboard the USS Knight, when Vulcan sends out a distress call. Little does she knows she soon will need a doctor to bring her back to life. Leonard Bones McCoy and OC, M-rated: swearing and I cant guarantee the future  no sex description!
1. Chapter 1

The ships alarm had gone off a couple of hours before, and a voice now filled my lab telling the crew to get ready for impact. I had not expected to be interrupted in my research; normally the alarm went off again after a couple of hours, when a Federation warship came to bail us out of whatever trouble we got into. Yes, my ship is a science-vessel, currently flouting around near Vulcan. I have been here for two years, working as a researcher _and_ handywoman. I had studied Programming and Engineering back at the Academy, finishing at the top of my class, thank you.

I rapidly ran my fingers over my PADD to secure my newest experiment, and the container sealed and secured it just a moment before the ship trembled with a force I have only experienced back at the Academy in simulations. The intercom went on again:" Ensign Melander, report to Transporter". I jogged down the corridors while trying to get through the panicking crewmembers running around like headless chickens. The intercom went on again, when I reached the turbolift.

"Code 6 has been upgraded to code 8. Our mission: Assist Vulcan in evacuation. Repeat: Code 6 has been upgraded to code 8"

The lift was full, but I managed to get out at deck 4 and reach the Transporters without been tramped down. I was only 165 cm _small_ and the only reason people _sometimes_ noticed me was because of the red mop of hair on my head. Oh, and when they would noticed I was the only one wearing glasses in whole Starfleet.

I suddenly remembered I still had them on, and ripped them off, just in time when the doors opened the Transporter-room, revealing God of USS Knight. Commander Larkin stood dark and tall leaning over a cadet sitting at the control panel to his great displeasure. Larkin barked at him, while the cadet shivered and mumbled: "yes sir!"

I didn't know what exactly to do. Well until Commander Larkin realized I had arrived. 190 cm of pure rage, often directed to the smallest target. Which was me, everybody else is well over 170 cm, bloody bastards. "Melander! Get your ass over here and start repairing the transporter! Report immediately when you are done, we need to get them up NOW!" he snapped at me and I was handed a toolbox and shoved to control panel. The cadet flew out of the chair and ran for the doors. Lucky bastard. I heard the door hiss open and the Commander disappeared with the fleeting cadet. I quickly dumped the idea of trying to navigate the software that was installed in the panel; it would take precious moments to learn even the basic. I dumped my personal PADD over the screen and connected it to the transporter system. The system was crashing from an overload; it couldn't handle the extra boost of energy from the engine room. I cursed the system and Starfleets female uniform while I grabbed a laser from the toolbox and crawled under the panel. It took 3 min to reroute the wires, and I practically screamed at the intercom to contact the Bridge when the PADD suddenly, without having fixed anything, signaled clear to go. I was rewarded with an even louder scream telling me to move my ass and get the transporter started. I tried to ignore the noise in the background, but the sound of raised voices was too insisting. I heard something about "unidentified war-vessel of Romulan appearance", but the line was cut off. Back to work.

My fingers flew over the PADD and after the familiar flash of light, were there 3 children on the pad. I snapped at them: "Get off the pad!" While I searched for other vulcans to beam up, suddenly the system went offline. I snarled at it and smashed my hand on the PADD, when it stayed offline. That's when I looked up and saw it through the window. We were no longer in the orbit of Vulcan. We were actually pretty far away already. That did explain why it went offline, but not why we were moving away already. But when the planet collapsed.

The horrible sight of Vulcan disappearing. The intercom went on again, but I heard nothing. The sight overtook all my senses. I could not even feel one of the children punch my back, screaming something I could not translate.

It was just…

It was just _gone_…

And when the light blinded me as the shockwave hit the ship, throwing everybody to the floor.

…

I regained conscience again. My head hurt, and my hand got wet when I pressed it against my skull. I thought the ringing sound was only in my head, but when I realized it was the evacuation-alarm signaling to abandon ship. I looked around for the children. The youngest was lying still, but the chest kept going up and down, when I gently picked her up. Her tiny body was warm but her hand was sticking out in a weird direction. The two boys had been shielded by the control panel, and got up when I had rearranged the girl in my arms, so I could grip my PADD. They didn't say a word as I commanded them to the shuttles. The girl stiffened in my arms but remained unconscious, as we marched down the empty corridors. We must have been the last to leave, but I didn't have time to check. The children were now my responsibility and I lead them in to one of the shuttles that have been left behind. It was small and only made for 3 people, but I hoped 3 children would only be counted as 2 grownups. The door closed and locked with a hiss and we flew out in the darkness. The boys stared at me with their dark eyes. They looked like the photos I had seen of Spock when he was a child. I could feel the girl's heart flutter like a bird, but there was nothing I could do.

There were nothing left of Vulcan. There would be no more warm holiday-trips with dad, oh God, please let dad be home at Earth and not on some weekend-trip again. I banged my head at the wall (to the boys utterly surprise) when I remembered Sarek. There was noo waay that Vulcan would be at Earth this time a year. And Amanda! Ohh, please let Amanda be alive! Please let her be on one of her Visit-Spock-At-Earth-Trips, and I promise I will pray every day for a year! I could not stand the thought of no more surprise-visits from Auntie Amanda and that awkward happy smile of hers when she saw Spock after a long time.

Oh, right! Spock would not be on Vulcan, he would be back at Earth! I began giggling when I remembered the last time I saw him back at Earth. We had a heated argument over me "running away" and something about "leaving the incident physically is not the same as leaving mentally". I could still not believe that he, a human/Vulcan hybrid, would lecture me on my "unstable human emotions". I had swiftly ended the argument after that comment with a punch to his face and a dramatic exit. The boys looked at me as if they were studying a chimpanzee. They must think I was mad, banging my head and giggling like an idiot after such a disaster. I was doing to ask them if they were all right, but the oldest rose from his seat and leaned over me. He quickly touched my shoulder and I knew what was coming when I felt him adding pressure to the touch.

There was nothing I could do when the darkness overtook my body and I blacked out.

Today must be the day I die.

But I didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

In my minds darkness I began to dream. I saw him standing tall and as handsome as ever in his tuxedo. I looked down, and I saw the white fabric flout around me. It was my wedding day. The music flew on angel's wings as I walked down the aisle with my dad by my side.

A woman caught my eye. She sat right in the front and smiled at me. Her bright red hair was a halo around her soft features with marble skin and soft lips. She looked familiar, but I couldn't place her.

I looked back to my dad to ask him, but he was gone and Uncle Sarek was there instead. The woman was also replaced with Auntie Amanda, and I just knew Spock would be at the alter instead of him. And he was. In his blue Starfleet uniform. He raised his hand to greet me, and said:" You are being illogical."

I turned around and I was no longer in church. I was in a military graveyard, and right in front of me was a cross with his name on: Johnny Robau.

I ran away, down the endless line of crosses, and every name on the crosses was as a kick in the guts. The names of all the people that I had forever lost. I saw the names of my mother, dead just a few moments after giving birth to her only child. Amanda, my mother's sister. Spock, my dearest cousin. Sarek, good old Uncle Sarek. T'Laina, my ancient Vulcan guardian. Names of all the people I had meet, just to die and leave. And suddenly I was at the end. Uncle Sarek was standing as stoic as ever as he held out his hand. And when I grabbed it I became numb and Sarek and the graveyard disappeared.

…

I could hear voices. As if I broke through the surface of the ocean, I drew in a sharp breath and shot my eyes open. I was disorientated, but got on my legs. My hair must have fallen out of my bun; it was now tangled and in my face. I felt my head spinning and had to sit down again.

"Are you feeling better, miss ..?" Shit, I forgot the kids.

"Oh, my name is Saga Melander, but you can call me Tamsu. I didn't get your names?" It seemed it was the oldest kid doing the talking. The girl was awake but still lying in the chair. The youngest boy was sitting closest to the girl.

"Miss Melander, allow me to introduce Surok" The youngest boy nodded "T'Lila" the girl only blinked an extra time "And I am Amgreth." He did not move anything but his mouth under the introduction, and I couldn't help but laugh. As Amgreth moved closer to me, still stone-faced, I managed to grab his arm before he did the Vulcan Nerve Pinch again. "I am not mentally unbalanced anymore, so refrain from doing that anymore." I tried to sound serious, which was hard when talking to a Vulcan. You always end up sounding as a retard.

"You know the Vulcan Nerve Pinch?" Amgreths eyebrows moved an mm. I smirked when I realized I could still read those small Vulcan signals. Growing up with Vulcans had been a hard time, but it paid off in some occasions.

"And a lot more." I smiled at him. I stopped him when he opened his mouth. "Give me the PADD; I need to get us picked up." Amgreth reached out and gave it to me, carefully avoiding skin contact. I turned it on. It was filled with notifications from the main computer of USS Knight. There was a status report: my research projects blueprints had been saved and sent to my PADD. The project itself had been apparently been destroyed when all life signs had disappeared from the ship. That basically meant either everybody including the captain had left the ship without taking all science projects with them or. Everybody had died on the ship.

I got the answer when I checked the older notifications. A long list of messages saying that the captain had died, leaving Larkin as acting captain. When another leaving the post to the ships 3rd in command. And so it went on, ending 2 hours after the first captain-switch, with a cadet in charge.

The ship had when been utterly destroyed, taking its final captain with it. The death causes was almost all related to fire-burns and explosions. It seemed we had escaped between Larkin as captain and the first explosion in the Transporter-room.

I suddenly froze. They must think the kids and I are dead. I never reported that we got out alive. I went on the KIA-list and found my name in the bottom:

_Ensign Saga Alex Melander, died in action_.

"We have a problem." My voice was barely a whisper, but they heard me perfectly.

"Is it not possible to contact your allies in Starfleet?" Amgreths voice was flat.

"Oh, yes, they will pick up the signal at some time, but as they think we are dead, they will not be looking for us. It could take anything from hours to days before they find us." I began to look around in the shuttle. It was white and round. We sat on a bench that went along the wall. There were windows over the top of the bench, but it showed no planets anywhere near us.

"How is your arm, T'Lila?" The girl nodded but stayed quiet. "How are you yourself, Miss Melander? It seems you have lost a certain amount of blood back at the vessel, but we managed to stop the bleeding when I had neutralized your panic attack." I grimaced at Amgreths question.

"I did not have a panic attack. I am human, we show emotion more openly. But thank you, for stopping the bleeding…" I blushed a bit, but tried not to think too much about it. The kids didn't.

"You are most welcome." I gave him a smile, and got a semi-raised eyebrow in return. He was so much like Spock…

I snapped out of it, I couldn't mourn their deaths yet. Spock would be alive, when I got back. He couldn't be anyway near Vulcan when it happened. Could he? My voice was shaky when I told them to meditate with me. We could all need a break from living and deal with our mentally scars while the PADD tried to contact Starfleet with a SOS-signal.

They sat up straight and were soon away in their minds. I mumbled a prayer with tears in my eyes and I felt them run silently down my cheeks as I closed my eyes and let Sareks numbness take over me.


	3. Chapter 3

My mind was slowly getting back together with my inner Sarek guiding me. He found wounds and worries and slowly, but steady closed them. I was focusing on the next step. Every shuttle was designed to transport its passengers to the nearest space station or Starfleet ship. The nearest space station would be on a nearby ice planet, but we had been on the other side of Vulcan, so the shuttle must have been sent in the other direction. And if that was true, the nearest space station would be on a desert planet, two days away with the speed of this bloody shuttle. Sarek scolded at me for swearing. I just smiled at him.

I heard my PADD beginning to beep. My eyes flew open, just to see a huge white planet coming closer. The shuttle suddenly announced: "Estimated time to landing; 30 seconds. Please secure all persons and objects." Apparently it had decided for the ice planet instead.

"Dammit! Amgreth! Snap out of it, and secure T'Lila!" Amgreth moved swiftly and pushed T'Lila back, activating the automatic seatbelt. I grabbed my PADD, and closed my eyes as the shuttle began to shake as the planet's gravity pulled us down. I felt one of the kids grab my hand and squish it.

The landing was hard. And I banged my head again, as my head flew back at the impact. The seatbelt loosened and the shuttle announced:" The closest Federation Space Station is 2 km south-east. Live long and prosper."

To think the computer was programmed to register Vulcans onboard, but not to warn us sooner would be hilarious. Tomorrow. Right now I felt like tearing it apart and make a dumpster out of it.

"Are you guys all right?" My throat was dry, and I wished I had a smoothie. Or just orange juice, I could live with that.

"We are _all right_, but I cannot say the same about you, Miss Melander. Your wound is bleeding again." I didn't need to lift my hand; I could _feel_ the blood running slowly down my face. Irk.

"Yeah, let's just wait with that till we get to the station. And quit the Miss thing, call me Tamsu"

"I do not understand the meaning of calling you Tamsu, Miss Melander, when you yourself said it was not your given name." Amgreths stone face moved an inch.

"It was given to me by a Vulcan, and it is Vulcan, so why not? You _are_ Vulcan, so call me by my Vulcan name."

"Are you serious? Did a Vulcan give you the name _Dancer_?" I smiled at T'Lilas question

"Yeah, I actually studied different form of dances till I was 16. I still dance sometimes, but only for fun."

Amgreth nodded and helped T'Lila up. Apparently he did not see the point of discussing if coordinated body movements could be counted as _fun_. Surok looked at me an extra time, but got up to the door. When he grabbed the door handle, a cabinet in the wall opened. A shelf with winter jackets and small backpacks appeared. Surok took a pair and disappeared out of the door.

It was when I realized the idea of 3 kids is equal 2 grownups didn't really work in practice. There were only 3 jackets. Amgreth was fast to say that I was wounded and should not deal with hypothermia also. I told him I also knew that Vulcans has a higher body temperature, and that they were fast to get hypothermia when exposed to cold. I underlined it was an _illogical, but very sweet offer_, and that quickly shut him up. I grinned at him. Vulcans were so cute, when they got embarrassed. It always made my day to make Spock blush green. It looked absolutely hilarious.

As we walked I cursed Starfleet uniforms again. The boots were fantastic: No matter how many times I dropped something in lab, my feet were never hurt. But I was going to kill the designer for leaving my knees bare. Surok had surprisingly insisted that while he kept the jacket, I should wear his dark brown robe. For him it went to his feet, but for me it went just where the boots stopped. It had wide arms, which sent the chilly wind in, but it was defiantly better than nothing.

The walk was quick, especially because all the kids knew with way south-east was; I was the idiot on this trip. I had told them to get going while I checked the shuttle for anything else we could use. When I stepped out I thought they were gone. And when I turned around and saw them walking in the right direction.

Just great Saga, so much for sleeping in the navigation course. I had nearly failed the whole class, if it wasn't because I had hijacked that Russian newcomer at the library to help me study. It really paid up to visit it sometimes. You always find the cute ones in the science-department. I really had to thank him again, and say sorry for making him faint.

We reached what I would think would be the station. The kids stopped in front of it. My teeth were chattering and I tried to keep myself warm by jumping around. T'Lila was looking at me what I think must have been concern, but I couldn't manage to send her smile. Amgreth moved closer and knocked on the wall. I hoped somebody would be there. He kept knocking for a while. I was just about to suggest going back, standing still was worse than walking, when there came a loud noise from the inside. A door suddenly opened and a man looked out.

"Christ, I thought some monster was knockin' the door. And when it's just kids! Come in, ye lettin' the warm go out!" the Scottish accent was funny, and I tried giving him a smile, but I must have failed miserably, because he took an extra look at me before closing the door behind us. He walked down a corridor, signaling us to follow. The corridor ended at a workshop.

He began scrambling around in the workshop, while shouting.

"Whatcha doin' out in the cold? I thought ye Vulcans hate the cold. Yer parents shouldn't leave ye on this planet, the monsters gonna get yer ears". I saw Surok grab his ears before Amgreth shot him a look.

"Hey! Stop-p calling me a child! I-I'm 26, and I'm an ensign… And human! Who are you, anyway?" I tried to speak clearly, but my teeth wouldn't stop chattering.

His head popped up. "Really? Sorry, lass, the height and clothes say otherwise. My name is Montgomey Scott, but call me Scotty." He came back from the back with something.

"Here ye go, a warm cup of tea, and a wee bit of scotch for the ensign!" He handed us four cups. I tried not to burn my lips, as I gulped it down. A fire ran down my throat and down to my stomach

"Soo, you didn't bring food with ye?" His eyes glittered with a childish hope for a moment but were disappointed by the kids' blank stare at him.

I began to fell drowsy all of sudden. The cocktail of alcohol and having a head injury was bad. I saw the room fall to its side and suddenly felt the cool floor on my cheek.

Maybe it was just me falling.

"The scotch goes straight to the blood, eh?" He looked rather tall standing all the way up there.

"Tamsu, are you able to stand?" Even Amgreth looked tall. A Starfleet uniform and he could be Spocks twin.

"I don't feel that good." My head was spinning and I swear, I could see Orion and Cassiopeia dance tango.

Scotty bended over me and looked at my head.

"That's some wound you have there. Keenser! Get aff that thing and get the medical kit!" I turned my head and saw the alien. Cute. I sent him a smile, but it turned into a grimace as the pain in my head increased. My vision began to blur and I drifted off in the darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up hearing new voices. I slowly sat up. It seemed Scotty had but me on a couch with a blanket over me. I looked around, I couldn't see anyone. My forehead felt weird. My hand felt the bandage around my head. It even covered my eyebrows. I decided to let it be, I couldn't do it better without a mirror anyway. I swung my legs down and slowly got standing. I leaned onto different things as I slowly made my way to the voices. The voices' owners came in sight when I went into a room with a transporter. I just managed to see Scotty and a man being beamed away. I blinked a couple of times. "Was that just Scotty beaming away?"

I jumped when a man answered from behind me. "Affirmative. You must be T'Lila, Amgreth said-" He stopped talking when I turned around.

I was shocked.

It was Spock! And when not! It was a bloody old Spock standing in front of me!

He broke into a semi-smile "Tamsu. What brings you away from Earth?"

I blinked.

And when a blink again.

"Spock? Is that you?"

"I am Spock. But not _your_ Spock."

I practically jumped on him and clinged to him for dear life. It _was_ Spock! I was laughing out loud, until I realized that last thing he had said. I looked up in his dark eyes. They were indeed Spocks, and then not.

"Tamsu. You have awakened. This is Ambassador Spock. He is from the future. Mr. Scott and a Mr. Kirk have beamed onboard the Enterprise to save Earth from a Romulan vessel, also from the future." I stared at Amgreth that had appeared.

And then I cried. I had just realized, if I had ever hoped to see dad and my Spock alive, it would now be over. I would have lost two planets in one day. Spock put his hand on my head. He didn't try to push me away as he guided me to a chair and made me sit down.

"She has done that before, in the shuttle. She starts out with one strong reaction and ends in a different, but just as strong reaction in minimum time." Stupid Amgreth.

I looked up in Spock's eyes. They looked so _old_.

"Did you see it?" my voice was tiny but Vulcans have perfect hearing. He knew what I meant.

"Yes." I grabbed his hand and placed it on my face.

"If you are from the future, you must have changed it by your very presence. Look and see what has changed." I wanted him to tell me if my family would have lived happily in another time and life.

He pressed his fingers into my skull and I felt the mind melt start and him going through my life. He stepped over my early life; I guessed it meant it would be the same. Mom would still die and T'Laina would still be my guardian. He slowed down when I reached my 19th year…


	5. Chapter 5

When I was 19 years old I had just come back from a two years exchange student program from Vulcan. Auntie Amanda had insisted that I while I was there I should live with her and her husband, and while Spock had gone to study at Starfleet Academy, I had studied Computer Technology at a high level (standard for Vulcans). Uncle Sarek had taken it as his personal mission to make me finish it flawless. And I did, but with a cost. I was bored out of my mind and drowned in books and numbers. I had completely forgotten how to act human. I was soo tired of studying, that I went travelling for a year when I graduated. My dad was pleased. He had always wanted me to travel before, but I had been tied up with dance lessons and private teaching with T'Laina.

I had travelled to Japan. In the streets of Tokyo I saw him for the first time.

Johnny Robau.

He stood out in the crowds, with his tall blond head. He turned around and our eyes locked. Those stone grey eyes, with such life in them. I loved him at first sight.

He never did anything logical. His wide smile told me it. He was as a tropical wild bird in a concrete city. He would surely peck my finger if I reached out for him, but it didn't stop me. My two isolated years on Vulcan made me long for even the slightest bits of romance. Vulcan rarely showed emotions, and _never_ love. Johnny was filled with emotions, and he had all the romance I wanted

He was everything I had never known with my semi-Vulcan childhood. He was everything a Vulcan was not.

We ended up at the same hotel. We went on the same trips. We were even on the same plane to India. We decided to become travel companions.

I don't know what happened, but just two weeks after meeting him, he proposed. We were so drunk, singing karaoke on Hindi at a bar. And I said yes. I must have been mad. I followed impulses, instead of my head. I was drunk in romance. I acted as what Spock would say:" A human."

I got what I asked for. I wished I could cancel my order.

It had been three blissful weeks. I loved how he made me feel, I felt like I was on a permanent adrenaline-kick. Sadly, my vacation was over. I had signed up to the Starfleet Academy the year before and now it was time to join Spock in San Francisco.

I felt free of Vulcan. These three weeks had washed off whatever signs of Vulcan logic they had managed to imprint in my skin. It was first later I realized, maybe it wasn't such a good idea: going from packed in Vulcan logic to naked emotions.

I was so happy I never saw Johnny's fading smile. I couldn't hear the nervous cling in his voice when he waved goodbye to me at the airport. Surely we would meet in Tokyo when I had graduated. Right? He had become my drug. I wanted every bit of him. Every bit of romance, I had been denied by Vulcan. I was addicted to him.

My time at the Academy was a challenge; Spock was almost making it harder for me on purpose to make sure no one would accuse him of favoritism. Some of my classmates never understood why he was giving me such a hard time, but I never told them he was my cousin. He had visited me the first night at the Academy with that special request. I couldn't deny him that, even if I was hurt. It made me long even more for emotion, so I made it a bad habit of embarrassing people to see their emotion. I used to hug and taunt Spock for fun as a child, and if I couldn't do that to Spock, I found someone else.

I was especially glad to embarrass my navigator tutor. He never let me down, always showing me his feelings.

The years went fast for me. Sarek was still checking in on my studies, so I got some work done, even though I always was on the edge to failure. Johnny's attitude to work had rubbed off. I finished my exams and I went on the first flight to Tokyo. I had survived 4 years without Johnny, only because I thought he would be ready with a shot when I arrived. I was still addicted.

And there I waited for 2 months, without ever seeing Johnny again. I feared his death or even worse: his betrayal. I had gone there because I followed the impulses that had let me to him the first time. I found the hotel we had stayed at. There was only a video-message for me. The director told me Johnny took off after leaving the message. He had freed himself from me, leaving a feather as goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to see the message. I could see I had lost my drug. The trip was over: I needed something else.

I was depressed. I felt oddly cold without Johnny. He was a fix I needed. I wandered the streets of Tokyo to find replacement. I never found it.

At last, Spock came to Tokyo to take me home. My return was overdue. It was 6 days since I should have returned. Spock never talked about the state of desperation he found me in. I was in need of emotion, and the only one close was Spock.

So I picked a fight with him.

It ended badly: I was the only one getting heated up.

I knew what I was doing was mad.

I needed to go to rehab.

The moment I arrived at my childhoods empty rooms, I took a job on a science-vessel. There was no one there to stop me. Spock had gone back; thinking dad would be there to comfort me in my misery. Dad had gone to Vulcan a month before, thinking T'Laina would welcome me after 2 months departure. When he was given the news on her death a week before I came home, he hadn't been able to contact Spock or me. We were not at our homes.

I went to her funeral at the morning, and at night I was in space. I sent Spock a farewell message: I was sorry I had slapped him for telling the truth. You can't run from your problems. But as a human, I strike for the impossible. I would reach my goal: become in control of my emotions.

Spock never understood. I hadn't run away from the incident, the incident ran away from me. Now I took my problems with me, and hopefully one day I would be free of them, I would be clean. I would get over Johnny. I would never let myself get hurt again; I wouldn't be dependent on anyone. I would live independent and free of my drug of romance.

I could feel Spock skipping the two last years of my life on the science-vessel. He briefly looked at our escape from USS Knight, especially our last sight of Vulcan, but when he left my mind. I could feel my misery over Johnny's disappearance. I hadn't reached my goal in the lifeless space. I still sometimes caught myself wanting somebody in my life. I was embarrassed of myself to want a new Johnny. I was weak.

Love is such a burden. It got you hook up, leaving you waiting for the next shot of love. I wished I didn't wish for love.

I couldn't heal those scars after my addiction, 'cause Johnny was just ghost in my mind I couldn't let go. I would get there someday. I would someday stop longing and reach logic. I just wished I would reach it soon!

"It seems your past has been altered from my timeline. You had never met this Johnny Robau, you never expressed any romantic relations to anyone." Spocks tone was the same as before, but I could feel his eyes on me as I stared at the ceiling.

"I don't plan on that in the future anyway."

Amgreth appeared beside us.

"It is time for us to leave this planet, Tamsu. Your injuries to your head need medical expertise and the children needs further care. The transporter will send you to the Enterprise." Spock handed me his hand as he talked

"How long have this lasted? I feel awful." My head was heavy and my voice dry.

"Only 47 min., but we must leave now. Do you need assistance to reach the transporter?" I grabbed his hand and somehow managed to get to the pad. Amgreth was there with T'Lila. Surok came as the last. He handed me my PADD and continued to stare out the air while the light surrounded us and beamed us away.


	6. Chapter 6

As the light from the beam disappeared I felt myself fall, and land. Hard. I could hear my ribs give a sickening crack as I hit the cold floor in an Engine room. The noise from the machines was loud and giving me a headache.

Damn you Spock, and damn that transporter! I was going to die a noisy and cold death by the end of the day. I could see the kids move around. They tried to talk to me but I couldn't hear a thing. They tried to carry me, but suddenly security was surrounding us. They signaled us to walk with them. Like I could walk, my ribs were broken and my head spinning.

I tried to signal "my head is spinning and my ribs are broken" but from their facial expression it must have turned out like "you are crazy and I'll tear up your chest"

They promptly grabbed my arms and lifted me up. I scream bloody murder, they were pressing my rib, and they let go of my arms causing me to fall flat on the floor again. I was actually glad I had taken my glasses off. They would have been broken by now.

Can I just lay here and die? Please?

They didn't touch me as lay down there. I could see Amgreth, T'Lila and Surok being taking away, but I couldn't really do anything. There were two redshirts standing awkwardly beside me. I turned my face down again. What in Newton's name were they waiting on?

A couple of feet came into my vision. I felt a hand turn my head and was blinded as a flashlight shone in my eyes. I had barely regained sight when I felt cold steel against my neck. A shot of pain came as the cold feeling disappeared. I saw a couple of brown eyes before I went unconscious. This was getting a weird habit…

I woke up lying down. I shot up and lay back again as my ribs protested against the sudden movement. I was lying on a biobed in sickbay. Suroks robe was gone: I was in a white loose uniform I recognized from my occasional visits at USS Knights sickbay. And my hearing was back, I could hear a beeping sound. Beep.. Beep.. Beep..

As I took in the surroundings I became aware of what was missing. What happened to the kids?

Beep. Beep. Beep

I began to pull out the drop that was attracted to my arm. As I stood up from the bed, the beeping sound stopped the small pauses and went to a constant bee- sound. I was shocked a moment, but realized the machine just couldn't hear my heartbeat because I stood up. I tried to punch a few buttons to stop it; the other patients were beginning to look at me strangely. I declared defeat, grabbed my PADD from the nightstand and turned around to escape. I now starred into the Starfleet logo on a blue background.

"Where do you think you're going?" Dammit!

"Ehh, the toilet?" For the love of god, AWKWARD!

"You don't need a PADD for that." he snorted "Sit down again, or I'll strap you to the bed."

I quietly sat down again. He was tall, or way taller than me. I recognized his brown eyes, and I suddenly became very aware to my neck. It had hurt like hell with that hypo.

"How do you feel? Tamsu?" He had taken a PADD strapped to my bed and was now looking at it. It seemed Amgreth had told them my nickname.

"I feel fine, sir." I tried to sit up straight and do the salute.

"Quit the salute, you're messing with my work. Seriously: 8 stitches at the head, lost 1 L of blood, hyperthermia, 1 broken rib and series of bruises. And keep your hands of the drop, you need it!" He swiftly put it on again.

"Where are the kids?" I couldn't see Amgreth, T'Lila or Surok on any of the biobeds.

"Hm? Oh, they're fine, they somewhere on the ship with the rest of those Vulcans."

"Vulans? How many? Who?" The beeping sound suddenly quickened and his eyes darted back and forth from me to the charts.

"Ahm, I don't know their names, but it was the Vulcan Council minus a few who didn't make it."

"Did a human female arrive with them?"

I didn't need to wait for him to formulate a condolence: his eyes said it all.

Poor Amanda. Poor Sarek. Poor Spock.

Poor me.

I turned me back to him, and crawled to a ball. The beeping sound was beginning to quicken and beat irregular. I felt again a cold pressure to my neck and I slipped into the dark with the hissing sound of the hypo. A steady rhythm followed me in the dark.

Beep.. Beep.. Beep..

Beep..

…

I could feel the darkness begin to retreat. I became aware of my sore muscles and banging head. I was glad the physical pain took over some of the mentally. I needed to meditate; else I was going to have a serious meltdown. I could feel something weird in my hand. It was warm

I squished it together: I was holding something that moved in surprise at the sudden movement.

My eyes flung open.

…

"Wow. I didn't think I was that mental."

"I was not aware you acquired a psychologist." To think my brain even could remember Uncle Sareks voice so precise after two years. He sat on a chair beside my bed, holding my hand.

"I didn't think I was that loony to dream so accurate about you Uncle. You look terrible, but when again, I can't look that much better." I grinned at him. I could taste my salty tears.

"You are at conscience Saga. You are onboard the USS Enterprise, through it is uncertain how you arrived. You are still declared killed in action. I would never have found you here if not Surok had mentioned a redheaded female named Tamsu had rescued them from Vulcan. I went to see that savior and there you were."

"Uncle, is it really you? Are you really sitting here beside me?"

"I am glad to see your vision has not worsened over the past two years. Your glasses are gone, to your misfortune." I squished his hand, just to be sure.

"I'm so happy to see you, Uncle! I thought.. I thought you had disappeared with Vulcan and Amanda and Spock and dad. I'm not completely alone now."

"I fail to see the logic in your fear for your father and cousin: Earth has been saved. I cannot say the same about Amanda and Vulcan."

"I know, uncle. I saw it. It was horrible. All those people.. Gone.."

"I had thought you were destroyed too. Your ship declared you and the Vulcan survivors dead when it was reported your last position in the Transporter room had exploded, leaving behind a pair of glasses. I am glad I was wrong." He squished my hand a last time before he rose from his seat.

"I will tell Spock you are indeed alive and to take you off the KIA-list. We shall not trouble your father with such unpleasant news after this disaster." He gave me the Vulcan salute as he was about to leave.

"Live long and prosper."

"I love you too, uncle. Tell Spock.. Tell him I.. –" I didn't know how to formulate the message. I wanted Sarek to tell Spock I loved him too, but I seriously couldn't ask a Vulcan to deliver that message to another Vulcan, even if they were related.

"I will tell him you sent your usual greeting." He nodded and disappeared out the door. I could barely see a thing, they had turned off the lights and I noticed the other patients slightly snore.

I lay back in my bed. I could trust Sarek to talk with Spock in privacy. Spock absolutely refused to acknowledge me as his cousin in public. I guess I understand: he is bloody perfect, and I would be a flaw.

Why couldn't I be like Spock? Sometimes I felt my whole identity was relying on them. Spock was so independent. Why can't I be like that?

I jumped slightly when I noticed a shadow in the doorway to the sickbays office.


	7. Chapter 7

"It's wrong to spy on other people." I called out and hoped there actually were a person and not a hallstand.

"I didn't intend to. I was on my way to catch up on some sleep." The doctor walked out of the shadow and came out in the light. He had dark circles under his eyes. I could smell his alcohol-breath from across the room.

"What did you hear?" Spock was going to kick me off the ship if anybody found out.

"Oh, nothing really: I heard you send love and kisses to the hobgoblin, but that's really all." His accent sounded Southern.

Wait whaat?

"What did you just call him?" No, he did not just say-

"Hobgoblin. Green-blooded hobgoblin." he had the nerve to look me straight in my eyes as he said so.

"How dare you! Take it back!" I threw my blanket off and stood up in front of him. Damm, he was tall.

"Get back to bed! Your drop is going to come off!" I must have gone crazy, but I pinched his leg. It maybe takes a while to work, but soon he would be limping around because of the neuropressure I had learned from Spock and T'Laina.

He grabbed my arms and leaned forward, causing me to fall back on the bed.

"Cool down, or I'll sedate you again! God dammit woman, I'm apologize for insulting your boyfriend!"

I froze to the spot.

"What? He's not my boyfriend! Eww, that would be soo gross! He's my cousin!"

Dammit! Why did I tell him that?

"You're his _cousin_?" He looked quite skeptical. Damm, he was heavy.. and warm…

"On his mother's side. Our mothers were sisters. You know, the woman I asked for yesterday? She i- _was_ my aunt." He squinted his eyes. I realized his eyes weren't completely brown. There was something green over them. I wished he wasn't that close to me, maybe he could hear my heartbeat quicken. Dammit, why was he close! I wanted to kiss him… No shake it off! No more Johnny!

He suddenly let go of me and turned around to go for the door.

"Hey! Please don't tell it to anyone!" I called out to his retreating back. He lifted a hand over his shoulder and waved at me. He wouldn't tell.

I could hear him mumbling something about "pointy-eared bastard" as he left me lying in my bed. I defiantly wouldn't help him when he starts limping. That quark. Making me getting abstinences again. After such a long time…

I fell asleep again. I woke up with nurses running around, helping other patients getting up. A blond nurse made her way over to me.

"Good morning. The shuttles to Earth will be ready in half an hour; we will transport every patient to the Starfleet Hospital for further treatment." She looked on the biobed's PADD.

"Ensign Saga Melander, USS Knight? It seems your injuries have healed, a last checkup and you'll be good to go." It seemed Sarek or Spock had filled in the papers while I was asleep.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Please, no ma'am, just nurse Chapel. I'm not that old yet."

"Yes, nurse Chapel." She gave me a smirk and when helped me change clothes behind a pair of curtains. I would soon leave Starfleet Hospital anyway, so why not get out of that awful sick-clothes.

I got in a red uniform. I didn't say it was the wrong color; my computer field is actually more under the scientific area than mechanics (even if I create my research in hand), so it should have been blue, but I didn't want to risk getting the white outfit back.

But they had a pair of glasses with the correct lenses. Yay, know I look like the geek I am… I don't really need glasses; I only need them for reading. I just read so much I basically end up using them all the time

Chapel helped me do my hair. She told me they had thought my hair was just red from the blood, and they were surprised when they realized the red didn't disappear in water. She tied it up in a bun on my head: a couple of curls refused to stay there and so I let them be. 2 hours and the bun would declare defeat anyway, the hairpins never hold.

And so I could go on the shuttles with the rest of the sickbay. I got a seat for myself: well until Doc. Quack came limping in and sat beside me.

"Jesus Christ, what did you do to my leg? I've been hobbling around like some pirate the whole day."

"Oh, just a Vulcan trick I learned awhile back. Nothing an amputation can't cure."

He looked a bit scared until he saw that I smirked at him.

"What do you want in exchange?" he growled

"Keep your mouth shut, or I'll take your arm the next time." I hissed back at him

He leaned back in the seat. "Fine, I was going to anyway. Just.. Do that bloody Vulcan thing to make it go away." He actually closed his eyes as if he expected me to stab him or something.

I looked around if anybody was watching. Nobody was, so I laid a hand on his leg. He flinched, but for the rest of the time he sat as if he was a statue. I began to find the spot where I had pinched him. I used all my fingers to draw a pattern around it, and occasionally add pressure to my touch. 2 mins after I was done and clapped him on his shoulder

"Done! Was it okay, or did you need anesthesia?" I smirked at him. He looked a little pale as he grumbled something and turned his back to me, to look out of the window.

I looked over his shoulder and saw Earth. I hadn't been back for 2 years. I wondered how dad was doing. He would be devastated that Vulcan had been destroyed. He used to be Earths ambassador to Vulcan: well, until he retired when mom died. I can't remember her when I'm awake, only in dreams.

I never really understood why dad spends 3 months every winter there anyway. When he would go off to visit old friends and colleagues and leave me with Sarek, Amanda and Spock half of the time.

Doctor McCoy (I asked Chapel what his name was) was looking awful pale the whole trip down. His fingers bolted him to his chair; I thought if the seatbelt didn't work, when his death grip would.

We soon landed and were escorted to the Hospital. McCoy disappeared in the crowd, and I was out of the Hospital after a checkup by a busy intern. My rib was healing fine, my head injury was all gone.

I was a bit lost when I stepped out of the hospital, until I found a tall man in blue waiting for me.

"Spock! You're here!" I was a bit oblivious, Sarek had told me he was on the Enterprise: of course would he when leave Enterprise with the rest of the crew. I reached my arm out to him, but I stopped when he stood even straighter. Dammit! Why is it so hard to stop greeting him with a hug? It has already been 6 years since he told you not to!

"Ensign Melander, you have been summoned by Starfleet Command to debrief about your escape from USS Knight with the three Vulcan survivors, and your sudden appearance on USS Enterprise after your reported death. Have you been cleared from sickbay?" He had his stoneface on. It kind of scared me; I thought he as half a Vulcan would be just as emotional, if not more, as Sarek had been. Holding hands and everything; I could barely get a hug from him on my birthday. But it was understandable. Even Vulcans could slip in their control in such extreme cases.

"Ehh, yes, I am ready." I mocked a salute to him, he nodded to me and turned around on his heels and walked away. I could barely keep up with his speed; I even had to call out for him when my rib protested about the exercise. He waited till I had caught up to him, and when continued with the same speed, that jackass. I was breathing heavily when we arrived at the building housing the Command. We entered, and waited 2 awkward moments till the Admiral was ready. Spock nodded at me and left like a whirlwind.

…

The debriefing went well. Well, I couldn't really explain anything about our escape from the iceplanet. The admiral kindly informed me that the blond man that left with Scotty was the hero who had saved Earth from destruction. Both had survived. The kids were with the Vulcan refugees. They had asked about me, but I would not be able to see them anytime soon. All Vulcans had required personal space to meditate. They would when proceed to discuss what to do.

I wondered why he had told me about it, but I got the answer when I stepped out. A weird scene met my eyes when I came out. My dad may be a big man in Starfleet, but in reality he was as small as me. He had blond hair and deep blue eyes; he used to joke about how I really was a mini-me of my mom. I had only inherited his height.

His hair was beginning to get grey stains and he had gotten tiny eye wrinkles.

His eyes were empty as I saw him talk to a man I thought looked familiar. Spock was standing in between them; Sarek looked like his usual self as he stood beside dad. The four men hadn't realized that I had come out of the office, till Spock raised his voice. "Captain Kirk, this is Simon Melander's daughter, Saga Melander. She is-" Spocks introduction of me was cut short by my dad when he stepped over to me and pulled me into a hug. I would have been embarrassed if it wasn't because I really needed that hug. What the heck, let's just eat the whole cake, now we already had a taste. I clung to him and enjoyed his familiar scent that reminded me of childhood memories: hiding for T'Laina in his closet. Being tugged in. Trying to stay awake till he got home, just to fall asleep on the couch, and wake up in my bed. And even the smell of moms perfume…

I had really missed him all these years.

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and held me out to inspect me.

His eyes narrowed. "You look awful."

"Gee, thanks dad, always the gentleman. You look dead yourself." He never really learned that Vulcan attitude with semi-formal greetings. So much for having been an ambassador on Vulcan.

He clucked. "Captain Kirk, this is my only daughter, Saga. She is an ensign at Starfleet, and was stationed at the USS Knight. Saga, this is Jim Kirk, the soon-to-be captain of the Enterprise, which he has conquered from our dear Spock." The man grinned at Spock.

"Yes, I just heard the whole story from the Admiral. Thank you for-" I was cut short when dad announced.

"Oh, the Admiral! I forgot! Excuse us, Ambassador Sarek and I have business to attend. Saga, I will talk with you tomorrow. We have things to discuss." He gave me a look and nodded to Kirk and Spock, before he disappeared with Sarek.

As I saw Spock and Kirk stand beside each other I remembered him from the iceplanet! He had beamed away with Scotty!

"I will depart now, to attend a meeting. Ensign Melander, captain Kirk." Spock nodded goodbye and left quickly, leaving me with Kirk.

"Soo, what now?" Kirk looked down at me with his eyebrows raised by my question.

"How about a drink? I could really use a drink after this hell."

"Good idea, captain Kirk."

"It's Jim." He held out his hand and I shook it.

"Saga."


End file.
